Deciding to wear your natural hair texture can be a very liberating decision. At the same time it can be stressful when dealing with a significant other who may be less than excited about the change. Following these steps can help make the transition to natural hair easier on you and your relationship.
1. Discuss your desire to wear your natural hair texture with your partner prior to making any major decisions.
Yes, it is your hair and you can do whatever you want, but when you are in a marriage or dealing with your life partner, your decisions are no longer yours alone. Making a choice to change your hair style so drastically may or may not matter to your partner, but give them the respect of discussing it with them before you make any changes. I recommend starting the dialog as soon as you begin thinking about wearing your natural hair texture. Allow them the same amount of time as you to come to terms with the decision.
Talking with your partner about your decision from the beginning may enlighten you to their views which you may not have been aware of. Through communicating from the beginning you will know how necessary other steps may be. You can also find out what their fears are as it relates to natural hair. If you know what bothers them you can do the research and learn ways to avoid the slips and trips which concern your partner most.
2. Share information on natural hair as you find it with your partner.
Many women will look through blogs and photo albums to find natural hair inspiration, why not share what you find with your partner. This will allow him/her to feel included in your process and also it will give you an opportunity to learn what styles your partner may prefer and what styles they may hate. Keep in mind your partner will know less than you about natural hair and no one likes to go into unknown territory. The more familiar with natural hair styles and terminology your partner becomes the more likely they are to accept your decision.
3. Respect your partner’s opinions.
You may have already made up your mind to wear you natural hair texture no matter what, but always be respectful of what your partner says and feels. Be willing to compromise if necessary. Perhaps your partner has no problem with the texture change but is really uncomfortable with the loss in length. Come to a compromise where the both of you can be happy. In that case, perhaps you can agree to transition for a while instead of doing a drastic big chop.
Maybe your partner really hates afros on women, in that case you can compromise to never wear an afro when the two of you are going somewhere special, but agree that you can wear it when you are on your own.
If your partner is 100% against you going natural:
1. Try sharing with them why wearing your natural hair is important to you and share your reasons for wanting to do so in the first place. Perhaps if they knew your reasons they would be able to understand and soften their position.
2. Share with your partner the financial benefits that come with wearing your natural hair. We all know how expensive keeping up with straight hair can be; perhaps knowing how much money you two can save will be an incentive.
3. Give your partner time to digest the information. Don’t tell them Monday you are cutting all of your chemically altered hair off on Saturday and expect them to be on board. If at first your partner is against your decision, follow the above steps a few more times (over a period of time, not all in one night!).
If your partner is still against you wearing your natural hair, the two of you have some serious decisions to make. That is when you have to ask yourself if wearing your natural texture is a deal breaker. Are you willing to relax your hair for the rest of your life to make this person happy? Are you set so strongly in your decision that you are willing to walk away from the relationship in order to be happily nappy? Will your partner walk away if you go through with it, against their wishes?
Hopefully following the steps will lead to an understanding and compromise between you and your partner. After all, they are in the relationship with you, not your hair.
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